Point Of No Return
by Shineera
Summary: Wynne advises Cousland against getting involved with a certain Warden... but some things can't be helped. Once a part of Lost Moments, posted separately for better organization. FemCousland/Alistair


_Like the summary says, this was once part of Lost Moments but since that went from a series of vignettes to a full story, I decided to remove the little off-chronology snippets and post them seperately. Drama and fluff. What I do best :p_

* * *

Nobody said this would be easy but then I again I didn't really need or want anyone telling me otherwise... ignorance can truly be bliss. Wynne giving me a wakeup call was the last thing I needed and yet it was the truth I refused to acknowledge... that lately I had been behaving like a hormonal teenager, oblivious to everyone else but my blushing... hum... _partner_. At the time I brushed it off as young lovers do, because well, you know, love conquers all. But it also makes you quite blind and in this case, it almost ended up being the death of me, quite literally.

Despite sensing them, we couldn't anticipate their number so in no time, we were swarmed by a horde of darkspawn eager to make us minced meat. As luck would have it, I wasn't feeling like my usual self that day, more like a careless shadow of myself due to certain _distractions_, so to speak, so when I saw one of the fiends' weapon going down fast towards Alistair, all my attention couldn't help but be focused on him, my panic and my screams of alert. For a moment, I couldn't feel anything, nor the sharp pain on my leg or my knees caving in and the harsh dirt scraping on my wound. I could only see him and the sword that nearly cut through his arm, if it weren't for the sturdy armor enveloping it or the swift arrow of Leliana that went through the beast's head, everything suddenly being over as quickly as it began, with a storm of lightning that finished off the weakened horde.

He didn't fall and looked only mildly hurt so I released a sigh of relief and with it, along came the pain. Sharp and smoldering pain, the wetness of blood covering my hand as I pressed on my wound trying desperately to make it stop. A wave of relief washed over me and the pain subsided a bit but even so, I knew I couldn't walk and I could see Wynne, having just cast a healing spell on the party, glancing at me with that true and tested motherly I-Told-You-So look on her face.

* * *

"How are you?"

Alistair stood near me, by the fire we had started while setting for camp that night.

"Better. I'm still pretty useless but... better. You?" I asked, pointing at the bandages covering his left shoulder and arm.

"Scrapes and bruises. You know Wynne, she does _magic_ when it comes to wounds." he shrugged with a smile.

"Not your best pun ser, not your best at all."

"Ah, what can I do, I'm all worn out tonight." he glanced towards the rest of the party having their meal, as if making sure we had some privacy, and finally sat beside me on a rock, his expression changing and a shadow slightly clouding his eyes.

"You had me quite scared back there..."

Wynne's words kept creeping up my thoughts, over and over telling me that this was not just bad luck, but as fate would have it, a foretelling of what would happen if we kept this up.

"Alistair..." I began, unsure of how to even continue.

"Yes?"

I wanted to look at him and yet it was so much easier to concentrate on the flames consuming the small twig I kept playing with, as if its existence served the only purpose of feeding the fire, nothing but a fickle existence.

"I... we..."

I could sense his eyes burrowing into me, in expectation, trying to anticipate what I was going to say. I couldn't hold it anymore so I just blurted it out.

"We need to end this."

The following silence was just torture. The sound of the fire burning away through the wood, the crickets that could be heard throughout the night, everything just seemed to mock me and my words. I could hear him swallow and his gaze fixating itself on something else.

"May I ask why...?"

Finally gathering the courage to look at him, now it was his turn to observe the fire with more attention than was needed, his eyes even more darkened and his hands clutching at each other.

"Alistair... we're Wardens. We're... we're being careless. We were careless. Look at yourself... and look at me!" I said calmly, pointing at my own wound, trying not to attract too much attention towards our end "We were too focused on each other and that can't happen and if we let this become more than it is... I... at least I won't be able to."

My voice felt too loud when I stopped talking and my words seemed like they still echoed within the massive wall of silence between us. Suddenly he stood up and looked at me, half smiling and running his hand through his hair. He tried to betray his eyes but he couldn't, he never could.

"Fine. I understand, it's better to do this now than later I suppose... I'll leave you alone, since that seems to be what you want..."

I thought I'd feel many things, relief being one of them, but never fathomed that I'd feel such emptiness within myself as when he spoke those words and simply walked away towards his tent. We only had acted like hormonal teenagers, with flirtations here and there and a timid kiss. We were nothing yet, or so I told myself, so why would I feel this?

I could see Wynne looking at me across camp, as if trying to assure me I had done the right thing. But yet, still everything in me insisted on screaming I had just done a terrible mistake.

* * *

Fully recovered, with many thanks to _unnatural_ means, we once again prepared to set on voyage towards Orzammar. As usual, I travelled at the front but this time I had Leliana at my side since Alistair thought it best to simply travel further in the back. An unwelcome change but an unavoidable one since our last conversation. Yes, our last. Despite some time passing since then, we barely talked to each other, his words towards me being only when something was needed regarding our mission. Less than comforting.

Even so, today was at least a nice day to travel, so why not enjoy that?

"So, Alistair..."

Great. Morrigan once again breaking the peace and tranquility I was so happily enjoying. The otherwise amusing banter really wasn't what I was looking forward to right now.

"So, am I to understand you _two_ ended your relationship?"

"Wha-" I heard his voice, slightly surprised at the intrusion.

"Always talking, always confiding, now all of a sudden silence is king. What is one to think?"

"Shut up! That is none of your business!"

"What? No questions allowed? You do not wish your motivations-"

"I said shut up! I will run this sword through you, I'm not joking!" the sudden harsh tone and threat made me turn backwards to look at the scene, seeing Alistair touching the handle of his sword and Morrigan, apparently unphased, with a slight hint of fear on her eyes. It was a scary sight to see Alistair like this... specially since...

"Oooh I see. Most serious then." Morrigan husked with a mocking tone, touching her own staff, just in case.

"This discussion is over."

Although I did not lock my gaze with his, the cold tone on his voice was enough to make me lower my head and continue to just walk.

Nobody said this would be easy.

* * *

The usually flirtatious, and just plain annoying with his "seductive" banter, Zevran had a genuine look of thanks when his hands touched the leather of the Antivan boots I had just offered him.

His laughter echoed through my ears as he tried on the boots and it made me quite happy to see him pleased with the gift. Despite his manners, or lack of, he had grown to be quite the friend, if you forget about the previous assassination attempt of course. But that seemed to be deep in the past now.

"I'm just glad you like them Zevran." I couldn't help but smile. I was always happy to give something to just about anyone, the look on their faces when they got a gift that truly made them happy... one of the little good things life has to offer, in my opinion.

"So pampering the ones trying to kill us if our way of working now?"

Alistair stood near us, having apparently witnessed everything and looking less than happy. I didn't immediately understand why he didn't share my feelings and instead looked angry, but I quickly felt appalled at it.

"Alistair, that's absolutely unneces-"

"What's unnecessary is you wasting away what could be good equipment on someone who tried to kill you! Just stick in the knife in yourself, while you're at it, won't you? Since you're so keen on making his life easier!"

My only reaction was to grab Alistair by his arm and drag him away from the camp and Zevran's lecherous comments brushing him off, hiding us in the nearby woods where no one could hear us. When we finally stopped, I stared right in his eyes, trying to find some reason within him but I could see they were burning with anger.

"What the hell was that about? Care to tell me?"

"No! Oh no no... you tell me Ariadne, why would you even fathom to do something like that?" he asked, raising his voice a bit more than necessary and gesturing towards the camp.

I could only look at him bewildered, trying to make some sense of all of this scene when it suddenly clicked.

"You're jealous aren't you?"

"What?" his eyes widened and his brows raised, trying to process what I had just said "No, don't be ridiculous, why would I even be jealous, it's not like we're together or an item or whatever! That is an absolutely ridiculous notion!"

"You're jealous." I once more said, crossing my arms and staring at him, waiting for an honest answer. He stopped wildly gesturing and looked back at me, starting to look defeated and now avoiding my gaze.

He chuckled to himself and nodded, rubbing his forehead "I don't understand you, I honestly don't."

"What don't you understand Alistair? That I like giving gifts to people who I consider to be friends? Or people in general? Tell me, what's so bewildering about that? To be honest, I'm the one who doesn't understand here."

"No, I don't understand why do you break it off with me, due to our "duty" and then start mingling and getting all close and cozy with the elf, right after we had that conversation. Tell me... if you love him I understand, just don't... don't lie to me. I can take it. Just don't lie."

Alistair looked hurt and confused, as I probably did. How could he even think that I broke things off to be with someone else? How could he even think that I would be that deceptive? How could I even end it all in the first place?

"Ariadne..."

His pleading eyes were more than I could bear. Physical pain was bearable compared to this and there was absolutely nothing I could do when I stepped forward, took his face in my hands and his lips on mine. I could feel his arms embracing me and like any old poet would say, time indeed stopped.

No one said this would be easy. But no one said it would be this good either. And despite all the hardships, this couldn't feel more right.


End file.
